So on Friday at 9:00 PM we started the Keppra again. We started with a smaller dose then last time, but I think that she could handle the larger dose, oh well the doctor knows best. So far so good, she has been having some behavior issues but those are easier to handle the last side effect that we got when we gave her the medicine. I am hoping that once we get the Keppra levels built up to what they need to be that Kaitlyn will be happy again. It breaks my heart to see how she is now, she is so angry and has a hard time handling herself. I don't understand what she is thinking, and it is hard to deal with when she is being so naughty. I know that this are all related to the medicine and to the seizures. People argue with me and say that it's just the terrible two's but I know that this isn't her. This isn't my daugther and it isn't fair. It's so hard to deal with, and I feel like I am fighting a battle that I can't win. Her behaviors have gotten alot worse since the start of the medicine but I am desperate to get my daugther back so if that means that we deal with these bad attitudes for a few weeks and then we are good, I am game. My husband is getting so frustrated and so depressed with it all. He had to have both of the kids the other day, and it was only the 2nd day for her to be on the medicine so she was really worked up. He got so upset, and just couldn't deal with the two of them by himself. I think he finally realized just how it was for me, and that she was as bad as I was saying. He yelled at her the other night, afterwards I saw the tears in his eyes. I know that he feels horrible when he gets mad, I do to. I just don't know how to handle it. She hits her brother, kicks him, scratches his face, pushes him... she's started to attack us too. How do you get mad and punish her for something that she can't handle? But how do you just deal with it without getting mad when you are already so stressed out by everything that is going on? I try so hard to be level headed, and when I start to get to the point where I am handling everything with out getting worked up we get dealt another blow. I don't know. I know that we don't have it that bad, and it could be worse but this is pretty bad for us. Between Kaitlyn, there is just life.... my father is getting worse. Nic wanted to donate 60% of his liver to make sure that he could live to see the kids grow up... we waited a week and found out that Nic wasn't a good enough match. It was a huge let down for us. Now we don't have any other option but to wait for the transplant list to bring his name to the top, that could be 3 years, he doesn't have 3 years, he doesn't have a year. How do you cope with watching your father die and then having something be wrong with your little girl and no one know what it is? I just don't know how to cope, I don't know how to balance it anymore. See, I'm so scattered brained now, I can't even stay on one thing. My mind is whirling!! We deserve good karma, we do good things, we try to be good people, when do we get our break? Sometime soon I hope, I am loosing faith. Kaitlyn gets so sad when she gets mad, you can see it in her eyes that she doesn't know what is going on. She's lost. I wonder why her. I wonder what did I do wrong? Not enough folic acid when I was pregnant?? Was it this? What is that? Why? Then I hear that it is probably genetic, so does that mean that she might not grow out of it?? Or she could pass it on to her children? What about Christopher? Is he at risk too? Why? I just don't understand, it doesn't seem fair. She screams for no reason, I sit back and wonder why is she screaming? Is it a seizure? Is she mad? Is she just voicing her opinion? I don't know. There are so many questions now, and not enough answers. This is hurting our family in a way that people are realizing around us. None of our family has ever asked how Kailtyn was doing, only the grandma's care enough to ask. No one else cares. I don't understand why someone wouldn't call to check on her, even after she ended up in the ER because of it. Obviously it's not that big of deal. I don't know, I'm a grouch!