So Kaitlyn had another seizure today, I was really thinking that maybe just maybe she wouldn't have anymore and that when we went to see the E Specialist she would say that it was an isolated incident and that she would be fine. Don't worry about the medicine, she'll be good. But then she was sitting there playing with the computer printer and it happened!

She was just sitting that dinking with the printer and all of the sudden I heard this clud and I looked at her and she had just sort of jumped out without meaning to, and hit her head on the table. But she didn't cry, she just kept staring, I said her name about a million times and her brother was crying and she didn't even blink. About 3-4 minutes later she started to blink and look around, and then she got up, could hardly walk. All of the sudden she got mad or something and started grabbing everything, screaming nonsense, and swinging this huge toy around. Every step that she tried to take she would just fall down. After it was over with, she came over to me and was wanting me to cuddle her and she said she was tired. I then realized that she went to the bathroom, she NEVER will poop in front of you if its not on the toilet. She was so bummed out!! I was so bummed out.

I called my husbad at work and starting crying. I think it made me realize that it's not going to go away that easy and we will have to put up a fight. I kind of thought that if I never saw one happen, that it wasn't real. Maybe what I saw before wasn't that. But now, I don't know. I'm sure that when we see the E Specialist they are going to tell us to start the medicine. I don't want to but I don't want to not to do and have more problems. I'm just terried of what it might do to her.

I called the doctor to see if they could see her sooner, but no luck. So my mind is spining, and I am upset. I'm just coming to terms that it is real. I don't know. My husband doesn't understand, he just says "Well, we'll see what they say at the doctors." Hmph, so much for the support. I just need someone to talk to. To vent my frustrations. Its upsetting for me.

Kaitlyn will be celebrating her 2nd birthday on May 3rd. I just wish that we had a better understanding of everything so that way I am not sitting there thinking about it for her whole birthday. None of the family has called to see how she is doing. None of the family cares. No one understands what it's like. No one cares. I feel like the family is more concerned with the materialistic stuff than care about their own granddaugther, cousin, neiece. I don't know. It's not fair.

Nothings fair. Lifes not fair. HMPH! Bah, I should go to bed and get sleep. Maybe that will help.