So I am just waiting for Kaitlyn to get her MRI on Thursday at 6:15 AM! Geeze, it's early but hopefully she will handle it well. I am so nervous, I just want to find out what is causing the seizures. We haven't had any for a week, so everytime I go in to wake her up in the mornings or from a nap, I am waiting to find her having another one. I am worried that I am missing them, so I am not documenting them. Her attitude is really bad right now, I don't know if I am to blame it on the terrible twos, she'll be two next month. But it all started to fast, one day she was fine and then she had the last seizure that we know of, and now she's throwing horrible temper tantrums and gets so angry. We have started timeout now because of it, before this I didn't really ever have to put her in timeout. She won't eat either, she just gets frustrated. I don't know why she's so angry. Maybe she's confused by whats going on, I would be too. She's so little, she doesn't know. She's been trying to tell us stuff lately but can't come up with the word and she gets so mad, she bites herself.

The blood work came back last Thursday, everything looks fine. The things that are elevated are fine the nurse said, but she never said what was elevated. I am waiting to get a copy of Kaitlyn's file so I can look at everything myself so I know what it says. Plus I am still searching for a second opinion. I really need her to be seen by someone else, so I know that we are doing everything that we can do. I feel like we are just sitting back and doing nothing about what is going on with her. I want to make it better, I want to take it all away from her. I can't.

I still haven't started her medicine, I want more information. I want to know why she has to have it if the doctor can't even tell me what kind of seizures she's having, or tell me why she's having them. I want to know what the side effects are, and what to look for. I want to know everything there is to know about it and this doctor just doesn't make that happen for me. Her grandma keeps telling me she needs the medicine, but she hasn't had another seizure since we saw neuro, so I don't know. I know I should start it, I just hate that once you start it you have to be on it for so long and then wean yourself off it. I hate that the side effects are so horrible, and I don't want to make her have more problems. She's so young, she's still developing, she's still got so much to learn. I don't want to make her have the side effects from the medicine. I don't know. After the MRI, we will talk to the neuro and then make it known that we NEED more informaiton or a different doctor and then talk about the medicine or other options.

I am just trying to take this one day at a time but it seems that we keep getting blow after blow. My father was just told that he needs to be put on the transplant list for a new liver sooner than they thought, he took a turn for the worse. I should have know, it's almost comical, I laughed when I heard that, I couldn't believe it. I mean how many things can one family handle. He is also suffering from encephalopathy now, I am waiting for it to get worse. He will then have to be hospitalized again. I don't know how to handle him, and Kaitlyn. They both need me. And Chris, he needs his mom too.. how to I handle everything. I'm one person....