I think I'm continuing to adjust to the new routine of keppra 750mg twice daily and 300mg of dilantin in the evening. I've been seeing more of the me that i recognize when the Tegretol was working.
Under Tegretol, i seemed to have a better ability to conceal my emotions and the way i felt; which is not a good strategy to begin with in inter-personal relationships, so I saw it as a positive change. But I don't want to fully blame my mood swings, style of communication, and general battiness on the medication or Temporal Lobe Epilepsy in particular. This is, of course, assuming I do have TLE. I haven't seen the neuro since the MRI results came back reporting that one side of my hippocampus is larger than the other and when I saw him before this finding he was leaning in the Temporal Lobe diagnosis direction.

I have my first therapy appointment in ten years this monday. This also came out of my last meeting with the neuro. I was in the throes of Tegretol "withdrawal", if there even is such a thing, I swear it was like the film Trainspotting just minus the heroin, creepy wallpaper and the three buckets. I just lied on the couch in my parents house watching early rounds of the NCAA tournament (which I finished 10th out of my 44-person pool).
So during this consultation with the neuro a couple of days after this fun time, I broke down in front of him and asked if there could be a behavioral approach as well. Everything seemed to be moving way to fast. I had gone from a guy who rarely has seizures to being a candidate for surgery. I just panicked because the drug-changeover wasn't going as planned and I was also finally getting it through my head that Epilepsy is something I have and not something I can dodge on will and tegretol alone. You should know though, that this was three weeks ago when I joined this web site and am feeling more myself now.
I've always been my own worst critic and very hard on myself and maybe because i'm a filmmaker but I've been reviewing my life and strong memories through "the seizure lens". I do believe that whether I was aware of it or not, decisions or actions that I made in my life whether they were personal, professional, spirtual has been influenced by epilepsy in some way. And this runs the gamut from the positive: career choice and a healthy "you-only-go-around-once" attitude to the very negative: breaking up with a girlfriend of many years as it was a near-complete shock for her.
I think a change in personality has had a similar characteristic curve, if one were able to plot it out somehow, as my seizure frequency. I tell people what I think now. I don't like it when people are dodgy with me and i have a keen sense when they are doing so. I figure I should have the same forthright nature that I admire in others. Could some neuro argue that this is some kind of Temporal discharge....probably. I think that's all I got today...