I want the readers to know that the thought of me talking about epilepsy, let alone publishing a blog on it, would have been unthinkable a month ago. My seizures were controlled through Tegretol for many years and I suppose I thought of it as the cure for epilepsy. I wasn't in the habit of seeing a neurologist regularly because I was still very deep in denial about the condition.
When I first presented with seizures during adolescence I was often comforted by doctors and medical professionals who told me that some people grow out of it and I never wanted to admit to myself that this wasn't going to happen at age 32. I denied to myself the auras (simple-partials) I would have and chalk them up to a large spinning wheel of convenient excuses. Not enough sleep, missed a pill earlier in the week, working too much, drank too much, too much stress; the wheel was always in play.
A few years ago I had a seizure at a friend's wedding and that was the first breakthrough tonic-clonic in many years. The cause of the seizure was hyponatrimia or low-sodium/blood serum. I immediately chalked this one up to excessive drinking at the reception and not enough sleep. They didn't change my tegretol regiment even though that would be indicated as the cause of the low-sodium later. Yes, the medicine i was taking to prevent seizures actually caused them; isn't science great?
I still continued to live and work in Boston; minus the car, of course. I continued to deny that I had epilepsy, it was even hard for me to say "epilepsy" or "seizure". I had a pair of tonic-clonics on Christmas morning at my Aunt and Uncle's (lucky for me he's a doctor). The fallout of this spurred me to get a new neurologist and his recommendation was to switch from Tegretol to Keppra. He implemented a schedule for the waning/waxing of each medication which I followed. I was into the second week of Keppra only when I had what imagine was a tonic-clonic (I live by myself). I remember a very powerful aura which reached the "point-of-no-return" as I approached the bathroom then everything darkened. What i do remember is standing in my bathroom afterwards staring at my ruined shower curtain and rod combination wondering how that had happened and feeling like I had just ran eight-blocks. That's when I emerged from tegretol-denial-land. The neuro added Dilantin on top of the Keppra saying that I "might be a two-drug guy". Super.