I haven't blogged in awhile-BUT I thought I would give props to the e.com crew for turning the website purple. Great job at listening to the community members!! Way to go!! You guys have proven that you do take time to listen and that is an awesome step, so thank you!! I hope everyone has some amazing plans for Epilepsy awareness month. I know I do! Go E.com!!!

*****

Sassy

So my baby boy has arrived. B was born on 9-19-09 at 12:16 a.m. weighing in at 6lbs .06 ozs and he is the most amazing and precious miracle. He is perfect! Never let anyone tell you having a baby while having epilepsy or being on medication is not possible!! Anyway he is over a week old now and getting more adorable everyday. I will try and attach a picture for everyone to see. :) ~Sassy

I have been blessed!!! Yesterday was a year since my FINAL surgery, truly amazing! This year has been a life changing year. I can't tell you how blessed I am!! With friends, family, and so much more! This year has brought me so much I have not had a BIG seizure since prior to surgery! *touch wood* and thank god! Although I have had some small seizures I know it was all worth it. These small seizures are nothing compared to what the seizures prior to surgery where and I can't tell you how thankful I am for that.

Could it be the chatroom has become the site of a mad amount of controversy? Sure seems like it with all the blogs and talk I have been seeing lately! So I decided, hmmm maybe it's time to write a blog from the "mentor" point of view...no this is not my mentor name, however, I figure I am still treated like a mentor under this name so there is no diffrence.

*begin vent* I am so sick of the blog section being taken over by these damn spam blogs! I don't give a flying F about wholesale products from China. I don't want to have to sift through 40 blogs about that CRAP to find a blog about Epilepsy. People who post in the blog section are either venting about a bad day or looking for help. I wish these numbskulls would take there product marketing bums somewhere else and stop blogging on our site!! It's a freaking health site!!!! *end vent* Thank you for listening if you can find my blog in the mess of blogs left in this area *sigh*

I couldn't help but post this.  It is friday and it should be a good day.  It's been a LONG week, and everybody needs a little positivity.  :)

Enjoy!

Never assume that you're stuck with the way things are. You have the ability to make a difference.

It's been awhile since I last blogged. I guess thats because I am kinda at a loss of words, a lot has been going on and I am insanely busy! That could be another reason...lol. For example right now I am waiting for a response from a teacher so I can continue with my homework, I actually took the day off work so I could catch up on my homework. That is pretty bad!

"NO I am not FINE and NO you DON"T UNDERSTAND" Those were the words that came out of my mouth this morning after hearing my husband telling me things will be fine and he understands.

Okay...so I have come to the conclusion that staying positive is hard. Can I please have a magic wand that makes all this bad go away? Or maybe just a magic rock I can hide under for awhile!

Good Evening,

Hey All, First of all I am really glad that my blogs are being appreciated by some that is awesome! My new outlook on life has actually helped me through some things that have been thrown at me in the past few months. I am glad that you all are finding the positive in life too or that I can least encourage positive thinking in some.

Hello All, I come to you today with a few words off... well go ahead and read for yourself There are times in life when you get down on yourself you know...things aren't always going your way so you just get depressed. Well...over the past year or so I have learned that life my not be a "bed of roses" so to speak. But you have to look at it through a different light.

A little bit of Kindness can go a long way, take that into consideration when you respond to blogs will you? A Little Bit of Kindness By Catherine Pulsifer There are times in our life when we don't take action because we feel the action is too little, that it wouldn't make a difference. However, sometimes the smallest gesture can make a huge impact on someone's life. There are many different ways we can show kindness to others, and it doesn't have to be in a big way.

Something worth Sharing... Over and over The actions, thoughts and words that become a permanent part of you are the ones you choose to repeat over and over again. Doing something once will certainly bring some kind of result, and doing it repeatedly will multiply its power many times over. You cannot lift a thousand pounds all at once. Yet you can lift one pound a thousand times. In the repetition of your thoughts and actions, there is great power. Choose to make complete and purposeful use of that power.

Responsibility and Choice Pretty self explanatory really... The key ingredient of personal responsibility is CHOICE. Animals respond to a stimulus because of instinct or habit. For humans however, there is a brief, critical moment of decision available between the stimulus and the response. In the moment, we make our choices-consciously or unconsciously- that influence the outcomes of our life.

Are you a victim or a creator?? You make the choice! Something to ponder... Soooo when people keep doing what they've been doing even when it doesn't work, they are acting as VICTIMS. When people change there beliefs, actions, and behaviors to create the best results they can, the are acting as CREATORS. When you accept persona responsibility, you believe that you create EVERYTHING in your life. This idea upsets some people. Accidents happen, they say. People treat them badly SOmetimes they really are the victims of outside circumstances.

So today I write to you with a little bit about Common Sense and taking responsibility for your actions. I received this in a class I went to recently for school, I found it was very true and worth posting. We should all remember to take responsibility for our actions and remember to use Common Sense before we act on things.

Ok soooo I am doing this from my phone so pardon the spelling mistakes. I am having the day from hell at work. What was I thinking two weeks off? I am playing catch up!! Yet here I sit, but I am sooo frustrated, my boss gossips on the phone ALL day!! But gives me nearly impossible tasks to acomplish,and sheNEEDS them by the end of the day. Bah! Sorry I am just really frustrated!

Hi and Merry Christmas Early to all of you, Well it is nearing the end of the year I have been through a heck of a lot this year. I have gone through surgery testing, hear I qualify for surgery, made a HUGE life changing decision, gone through a few date changes for surgery, got sent home after the first surgery so I had to make another HUGE life changing decision, went back and FINALLY had the surgery, and well the end result is wonderful!! Oh did I forget to mention the emotional ups and downs I went through (well thats enough for a whole nother blog).

Sooo yesterday was a rough day! However I have figured that you have to push through the bad days and keep walking forward and not stopping cause stopping means your giving up. And I refuse to give up! Cause I know I am a strong person! There are things in life you can't control, things that happen for reasons only god can answer, and I understand that now; I do. Sometimes you feel they are very unfair, but consider what you are able to be thankful for. The following writing was written last night.

Okay so first of all I want to say yesterday makes 3 months seizure free for me. *touch wood*  This is  HUGE milestone in my mind cause it is halfway to 6 months which is halfway to a year.  I know I know kinda of an odd way of looking at it but still, its my way of looking at it and I figure what the heck, I can look at it anyway I want!! I feel like the surgery was a great decision, the best decision. Lets hope I can keep this streak up!!

Found this on the internet and had to share:

A GREAT RECIPE...


1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.


2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
Talk to God about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.


3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'

November is Epilepsy Awarness Month are you doing your part? I think if we all ban together and write big television stations and large news shows MAYBE just MAYBE we could get a part in there show. Please do your part in this and help us get air time to give some Awarness for Epilepsy here are some ideas:

1.) Contact your local T.V. Stations

2.) Contact the Today Show - Contact info.- today@nbc.com

3.) Contact Good Morning America ~ Contact Info - http://abcnews.go.com/Site/page?id=3068843

Hi All,

I am excited to say that today make two months seizure free. It seems like a lifetime somedays after having seizures all my life (since age 3.5)  I am very thankful for these two months! It's an amazing change of pace to not worry about not feeling well cause I had a "bad seizure night/day".  I guess I really am thankful for everyday without a seizure, it amazes me how much it has changed my life.

I can't say enough about how greatful I am to all of you who supported me in this journey. I defintley have some awesome family and friends. 

Oh to be. 

To be seizure free

But am I really?

Really seizure free?

I have these dreams...

Or are they more of nightmares?

I awake after one terrified

Terrified of what just happened 

They are so real so vivid

So real I make the movements

The noise and grind my teeth

It makes me anxious 

I am afraid to sleep

I am really seizure free, technically yes

However in my thoughts, my dreams

Sooo the great thing about no hair is in the morning you don't have to get up extra early to flat iron it and put gel in it and blah blah blah.

Well my appointments went GREAT!!! My neuro surgeon looked at me and said "I don't need to see you for another year" Can you believe that? Oh my gosh it's become reality, I am actually done! Done with the surgeon?? It's almost like missing a peice every two weeks. Tears rolled down my eyes when he told me that I didn't have to see him again, and I thanked him over and over and told him he has changed my life!! He said to me "this is my job, I enjoy it, go enjoy your life" haha I am crying now! Emotional wreck anyone?? 

Hello all I haven't written in awhile so I thought I would give you a hello and a funny story. I haven't had any seizures according to the EEG I had the other day and the neuro who told me my dizzy spells were overthinking and migraines.  Oh and my seizure dreams are just dreams ...phew!!! *touch wood* and thank god! 

I went to see the surgeon yesterday, he looked at me and said 'hey kid'. I said hi and took off my hat and he said 'Nice hair, I like my women with short hair' I laughed (his hair is as short as mine is)

I am so scared right now.  Last week I was happy, happy I made it to two weeks.  This week I think I am going through some depression. After a dream about a seizure last night, now I am depressed. The idea goes through my head what if I had a seizure would it be the same?  What if I do have a seizure, then what?  

Tomorrow makes three weeks *Touch wood* and I am nervous. Now it's time for bed I am a little nervous about going to bed *sigh* Guess this just makes me paranoid right? Well I hope that everyone is seizure free and having a good day/night. 

So I went back to work today. Boy was there a lot to do!! Being off approx 3 months doesn't really help you much, there were piles of stuff waiting for me! However, I do feed off of that kinda thing. I feed off stress and I really don't feel tired until I get home then I am a little wasted but still it was fun!

Hello Everyone,

My typing is getting better wippee. KrayonsRmine came to visit this weekend. We spent it hanging out together. My husband and hers  became best friends all while enjoying each others company and there love of food. They went to the harley museum while krayonsRmine and I went to downtown Cedarburg. Bailey fell in love with her hubby while I am pretty sure that Maximo was really into KrayonsRMine.

Ugh. here I go again.  Back to the hospital-the exact place where I really don't want to be going.  *sigh* I have really been dreading this.  Weird thing is I am not extremly scared about the surgery.  Now don't go reading that wrong cause I am scared, just not nearly AS scared as last time. The explination by the surgeon really helped ease my fears and the discussion had with my family has made me feel a bit better (mostly my sister-who is about the only person who is willing to sit and talk to me long enough about it where I can explode my feelings out)

Hello all,

I just got back from seeing the surgeon and several other doctor/nurses.  It was quite the informative appointment.  I found out a lot!  Maybe more then I wanted LOL! They even showed me what strips and grids looked like.

Ohhh my word!!! I now remember why leaving work for some time is not a good plan! I went in today-just for a few hours (I am not supposed to be there..shhh) and I had a ton of emails, a list of stuff that needed to be done, a file nobody could find, and a website to be updated.  Whoa!  Did I say that could happen?  I just went in for a simple meeting...guess I was wrong.   On the plus side some stuff got done. 

Bad part is I am sooooo tired now.  I am worn out by all of it.  My brain is drained and so is my body.  Guess tomorrow will be a rest day.  

So I realize lately how negative I have been about going back into the hospital. I am not usually a really negative person, I am pretty upbeat and positive. Here's the problem though, every time I talk about surgery with friends lately I talk like everything is going to go wrong. Talking like this is not going to help me at all!!! What am I thinking?? The only thing I can think is that I am so scared of this next surgery that my fear is turning into negativity. So I thought if I wrote all the reasons I was scared and that I was scared maybe I would feel better... So here it goes!

Well shoot.  Today a friend mentioned how many days away it was until I am back into the hospital.  Grrrr on reality.  I really don't want to go back in the hospital agian. It's so lonely there :( I hate it, every second of it really.  I mean my family visits and so does a friend of mine, but the feeling of being lonely and being there all night alone is horrible. I hate it with everything inside of me.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how so many people here have experinced depression after brain surgery.  It seems to be a subject that is big but not largely talked about. I myself am experincing a good amount of depression.  I had brain surgery not to long ago and afterwords experinced what I considered depression.  I was lucky enough to have friends that listened and also convinced me to return to see my therapist, however, I am still struggling and fighting with the depression so I will explain to you how I feel.

Okay so staple free is totally the way to be!!! Today was another productive appointment I was able to get my staples out! Wooohooo! It was so nice the nurse even said I look like a model. The removel only hurt a little when they got to the staples in the front. They hurt a bit, the rest of them kinda felt like little bug bites or something. It wasn't to bad guess I didn't need to be nearly as nervous as I was.

So today I felt was actually productive, thank god!! Usually I don't feel very productive at the neuro, I feel like I leave with more questions then I come with-but this time was diffrent.  The appointment was for my post surgery follow up and to put a plan into place on where to go from there i.e. which surgery to do next, when, and where ...well you get the idea.

So today was rough. I went out with Greg's family and realized I am far from superwomen and am not really ready for a ton of action. So I am not real good at staying in~i'm an antsy person, what can I say I am meant to move. I am Sassy...

So I have a few things to discuss this time. Little funny notes from sassy thats what I shall call them.

One:
Hubby was kind enough to remind me today of the song that played on the way to surgery one that I picked out as a song of the week song awhile back and I remember saying it was  "perfect" The song was "Wonder" by Natalie Merchant.  I swore it was a sign from god. Comments???

Two:
Any person who choses fuzz or bald head better have damn good reason cause I find it kinda chilly.

Three:

Alright so this is it-tomorrow is the day. As I sit here bawling writing this thinking wow this is the end to on adventure and the begining of another I thought I outta just post a little thank you.

So thank you to those who have given me support during the tests, the ups, the downs, the good, the bad, and even the plain out ugly. Thank you to those who have stood by me the whole time and thank you for those who never gave up. And thank you for just laughing with me. As many of you know laughter can be the best medicane at times.

Thought for the day:

Holy crap its getting close!!! I can count the days till surgery on one hand!! I am not sure if thats good are bad.  I think it's good I mean I am ready.  I am not second guessing things...which is REALLY good.  But HOLY CRAP!  You know what song keeps going through my head "Final Countdown" I don't remember who its by but yea... it just keep playing in my head when I think of how many days.  LOL.  Strange song to be stuck in your head.

Hi agian.  First of all I wanted to thank all of you who were kind and responded to my last blog you words of encouragment ment a lot to me.  Sometimes the smallest sentances can be a huge help when your having a rough day. 

Things are still an emotional rollercoaster for me and I believe as surgery gets closer it will just slowly get a little more emotional.  I now realize the fear is normal and okay.  It's hard to show fear when you want to be so strong.  Guess you can't always be strong huh??

You know when your just really having a rough start to the week? I am having one of those weeks. Yesterday was a Monday without a doubt. Work bit! I hate when Monday's suck at work cause it makes you not want to go for the rest of the week. Yea....I am pretty bad when it comes to that. Here's a run down of my Monday...and this is just my first job (I have two jobs) I had to do my donation letters twice cause the date on the top was wrong I had to do the envelopes twice cause they were created wrong My printer stopped working after I figured out the envelopes were wrong

Taking a big step out of your comfort zone is no easy task.  I now know this from experince.  I did something that was very good for me yesterday, however, it was prob. one of my more challenging moments.  I had my hair cut.  Now you may all be giggling thinking "what on earth is the big deal?"