Rita Watson: Make Valentine's children's day

IF I COULD BE the Valentine’s Day Fairy Godmother I would wave my magic wand and turn Feb. 14 into Children’s Day.

I am incurable romantic. As a teenager my aunt taught us to think “Love.” She had us wear silk nightgowns, a strand of pearls, and a splash of Joy perfume to bed each night because, we were told, “You never know whom you will meet in your dreams.” When I grew up I wanted to become a Valentine’s Day maven strewing hearts and flowers in the streets.

But now, I would like Valentine’s Day to become Children’s Day. What changed? I became a grandmother. As the Valentine Fairy Godmother, I will declare a day to rewrite the book of love and forgiveness, create a memory, and give the day back to young people, who are so much a part of the romantic tradition.

We live in a love-addicted society. Every day on every television channel, a movie, a talk show, a soap opera reinforces the myth — without love, without a relationship, you are not whole. And so on Valentine’s Day women wait for the hearts, the flowers, and little signs of affection. The word is, “If he loved me he would….” He would what? Overpay for flowers? Send a box of calories?

Those chocolates — we might just as well apply them directly to our bodies! What does the Valentine’s Day frenzy really mean? It means that on at least one day we want to feel loved. And for that we look to a Hallmark holiday card.

Most of us forget that the way to be loved is to give love to those around us. Follow the advice of the man who wrote a book titled Love, Leo Buscaglia, who always reminded us to take a chance and tell people we love them — children, parents, friends. Give yourself the gift of love and forgive someone who has hurt you instead of remaining wounded.

Build a room in your heart for that person and follow a Tibetan model — send wishes for a good life. It will free you and the person you send the message to, and open the door to happiness and your next adventure. Redford B. Williams, M.D., and a professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Duke University, tells us, “Eschew anger.” It will do a world of good for your heart.

Find ways to show a no-strings-attached love to family, to friends, even to strangers. Look at the world through the eyes of a child before that child learns anger or hate.

For those looking at Valentine’s Day with the same anxiety as “Will I have a date on New Year’s Eve?” take heart, take control. Turn this day into children’s day. Invite your friends for a champagne, strawberries and checkbook party. Collectively think of a children’s group that you might support either locally or nationally. Invite your florists to donate 10 percent from the Valentine’s sales; many will be pleased to do so.

The tradition of Valentine’s Day cards and gifts dates back to the 1500’s, when young people in France and England gathered around a box in the village square to draw the name of their sweethearts for the year. Remember those lace doily Valentine’s Day boxes we had in grade school? At the end of the day we all tallied up the number of cards we had received. Let this be a day when children’s organizations can tally up checks. From groups that help children and families with disorders such as epilepsy to those supporting homeless children — there is a need. From organizations dedicated to improving children’s health to those fostering children’s creativity — a Valentine’s Day check will be a welcome surprise.

Be an innovator. Work with your office to support a children’s arts program at a Rhode Island school, or a library such as the Providence Athenaeum. Help underwrite more children’s programming at PBS. If you cannot write a check, give time. Teach a child to read. Lobby to stop child abuse.

There is a benefit to thinking of Valentine’s Day as Children’s Day. The wonderful world of children is limitless. Children see no obstacles. Their wishes are dreams that they believe will come true. Psychoanalyst Selma H. Fraiberg called growing-up time for children The Magic Years. We can help make the magic. What I miss about being a child is my belief in Santa Claus. As the Valentine Fairy Godmother, I will sprinkle Santa dust in the air so that each of us can think about loving, forgiving, and giving in a new way -- unconditionally.

Rita Watson, a former New York Times writer, is senior editor of Epilepsy.com and director of education for the Epilepsy Therapy Project. She lives in Providence.

Reprinted as published and with permission from The Providence Journal, www.projo.com